Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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