I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize