phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
