You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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