i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
