If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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