honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
