My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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