Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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