I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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