The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
