Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
