I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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