You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
