What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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