In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to calm my uterus...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
