I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
