Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
lets start a swedish sibling band together
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
