peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize