she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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