omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
