so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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