I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
