My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
