Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize