Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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