idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
