Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
