I'm gonna have a badass scar
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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