and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
