This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
