Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
