Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do vagina's smell?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
