If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
