Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize