He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
