i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
