would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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