oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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