It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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