she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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