Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
