I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
