I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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