The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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