K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
