Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
