i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
