Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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