i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
