At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
