i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
