Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
