Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
