I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
