Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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