I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
