he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize