I could have mohawked her pubes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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