i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
