They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My feet surprised me
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