There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to have your abortion
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
