How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
