i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
