VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
