Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
