So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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