i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
